You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
