shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
