My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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