you guys were way drunker than both of me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm passing your future prison.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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