my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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