Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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