So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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