NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
