she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
