If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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