i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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