So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
