I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize