If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
