I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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