Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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