the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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