Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
