So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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