She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize