Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
