Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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