so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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