Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
