I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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