Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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