there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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