Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i would punch a child for taco bell
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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