is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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