It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
