Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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