I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
