I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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