thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
operation harelip BJ is a go
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize