you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
