There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
