you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize