the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we're making bets on your personal life
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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