Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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