I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
