im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
People in love make me want to vomit
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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