who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
