It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
