the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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