I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
