When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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