I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
