im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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