i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
