I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
