so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
