chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
