Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize