she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My vagina is officially offended.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
