i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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