butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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