I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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