K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize