someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
