He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
