i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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