I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
