Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
