Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
