Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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