my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
