well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize