He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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