I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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