enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
