you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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