I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
