You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
