Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
