next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
