Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize