On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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