How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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