I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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