Where did you get a picture of my penis
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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