I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
