Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
