my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
