My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize