I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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