Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
