We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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