she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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