I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
