just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
