i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
