i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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