She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
