The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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