I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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