There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
