you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
