If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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