your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize