dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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