6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
