did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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