Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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