I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
